Thursday, November 1, 2012

due date.

Dear due date,

      It looks like you have come after a long road.  I was torn on whether I wanted to see you or not with the baby inside me.  For one, I am physically done.  My stomach can not stretch any bigger.  My feet and ankles can not swell any larger.  I have no shoes that will fit me.  It takes me about 10-15 minutes to get them on to give my feet time to "shrink".  My ligaments in my hip kill all the time.  Trying to move from one position to another is impossible.  Frankly, this pregnancy has been a doozy.  The worst ever.  I have never been this big in all my life.
       So to see you come (and go) is frustrating yet hopeful.  It means I am one step closer to the baby OUT of me.  It's another check off my list of things to accomplish before this baby comes.  And since this is the first time I am going the natural route, this is all new to me.  And lately, I have been reminded why inducing was so second nature.  That doesn't make it any easier.  So I'm trying to be brave and stick to my guns of why i'm going this route.  Why I decided this way before I was even pregnant!  I want THIS experience, even if for just one.
    I was talking to a friend of mine today about my labor.  She asked me what I would do if I got to 42 weeks.  I believe at that point, if I didn't go into labor on my own, I would have to be transferred to the hospital and artificially be induced.  I never thought of that outcome.  I have assumed that my body will do what it's supposed to do.  Yet sometimes, it doesn't.  My body might actually be one of those who always needs a little help "jump starting" in labor.  And I told her, if I were to be in that situation, I would be okay with it.  Thinking about it, at that point, I would be so DONE.  And medically, if that was the only way to get the baby out, then fine.  I know that my body does well with inductions so I wouldn't be worried with that.  I would have done everything I could to do a natural birth so I wouldn't feel bad or sad if it didn't work out.
      So as you come to a close, we'll see what happens within the next few weeks.  How soon will I have this baby in my arms?
       For remembrance, at my 40 week appt. on Monday, I was dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced.  Who knows if that says anything but we'll see.

Sincerely,

Lady in Waiting.
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