Last trimester

It hit me yesterday that I was in the Third Trimester.  Kind of weird the contrast of emotions i'm feeling at this point.  Some days, it couldn't be going any slower.  Then there are other days that it's going by too fast.   I'm slowly working on my list of things to do before baby #4 (what?!  Seriously #4?!) comes.  I'm finishing up Luke's first year scrapbook then i'll start on the new one.  For the first 3 kids, I've done traditional scrapbooks.  But I think this time, i'll go digital.  It seems much easier, faster and cheaper.

This pregnancy has been quite different than the last 3.  The "sick" part wasn't fun but it was manageable.  It more felt like horrible digestive issues for 2 months straight.  I felt like I was eating all the time to avoid getting too hungry, which triggers the nausea.  With school and gymnastics keeping me and the kids busy, I don't think I had that much time to even dwell on feeling like crap.  That was the main thing I was worried with having 3 kids to take care of, being stuck on the couch, not being able to take care of them.  But it seemed that as long as I kept busy and moving, I felt better.

Also, I have noticed that I am carrying this baby much higher in my stomach than the other 3.  I thought I couldn't get any more stretch marks but I was wrong.  A whole new batch of them are forming above my belly button.  So because of the higher location, it makes me show much more, which then causes folks to be shocked when I tell them when i'm due.  "Oh my, you still have 3 months?!"  "Wow, are you carrying twins in there?"
So now, when asked when my due date is, I say "end of October" instead of "Nov. 1st".  I think the "Nov." part is too much for their brain to handle.

2nd trimester seemed to have come at a perfect time, with the end of school and the beginning of the summer.  I was able to travel well and stay with family during the "energetic" part of it.  It was even scary really how much energy I had in UT.  I deep cleaned and de-junked my sister's house for her after she had her lil' Isabelle.  Then every night, we would stay up until midnight or later watching Arrested Development.  Every night.  It was too fun and miss it every night.

But the time I got home, my stomach doubled in size and the poor eating habits I picked up in UT were catching up with me.  Plus the fact that I could no longer go running with my double stroller with my running buddies, I started to feel alienated....and fat.  After weeks of self-pity, wishing I could still go running and stay connected with my friends, I started getting up BEFORE (what the?!, never ever thought that would happen...especially pregnant) the kids and go speed walking for a 1/2 hour before Joe left to work.  It was been one of the many tender mercies I have received.  I don't know how I have been able to keep it up and have the energy to wake up but i've been doing it.  And i've been feeling so much better.  Instead of gaining 10 lbs every month, i've been able to only gain 1 lb so far in 3 weeks.  That is amazing.  ( for those who are new to my life, I usually gain 50+ lbs each pregnancy)  It helps relieve stress with this pregnancy, kids, family, friends and life in general.

Another type of motivation to staying active is the type of birth I am choosing to do this time around.  I'm meeting with midwives every month to prepare myself to have a natural birth in the birthing center.  There are so many emotions that run in my head when I think of what is to come.  Excitement, nervousness, fear, happiness, anxious, calm....Back and worth with this decision.  But I feel that I owe it to my body to do this, to give it a chance to run through the process on it's own without any modern meddling.  All my babies have been induced and luckily, I haven't had too many complications.  But the whole time, I felt inadequate as a woman that I can't even have a baby without intervention.  2/3, I interfered and induced early, ignoring that my body was slowly preparing for it.  Kate was actually a week late but I feel if I would have waited even just a day or two, she would have come.

A little bit after Luke was born was the first time I read about home births.  I was kind of fascinated and jealous at women who could experience these types of births.  I know a lot of pain comes that route but also a lot of joy and sense of accomplishment.  I wanted to do it.  But then I would get scared, plus being overwhelmed with 3 kids, it kind of got pushed back in my mind.  But then slowly more and more friends and people online were doing it and writing about it.  It again was brought back up.  It kind of helped me to see that lots of people do it and survive!  I could do this!

So now I feel prepared and ready to try.  I don't know really what is going to happen.  I hope that everything will run smoothly and we'll have a great experience.  But if there are complications, I am hopeful that everything will be okay.  I am blessed to have the knowledge that if something were to happen to any of my children, we will be together forever.  We will see our children again.  I am grateful for that knowledge.  I am grateful that Joe and I got married in the Temple and received those blessings, that we are all sealed together.  Death can not separate us.
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