Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Post about Emma




Oh Emma Emma Emma...life with her has been the best of times & the worst of times. Lately, I"ve been looking at her and just amazed at how big she is now. She's talking so well too. She's not my little baby. She's a little girl.

I remember when we were transitioning her to a toddler bed. It was a tough process for the first couple of days. All you can really do is just stick her on the bed, tell her "K time for naps, here's your new bed!" And then leave. It sounds mean but it's just like crying it out...anyways, by that time, we had the video monitor set up and I went and watched her. I started bawling for multiple reasons. First, I was pregnant with Kate and due any day. Second, I hate when Emma is in a situation where she's confused and scared but I can't really do anything to help her since in the long run, I know it'll be fine, but at the moment, not so fine. I hate watching her sitting on the bed, wanting to move but so unfamiliar with what's going on that she stays put. And third, it hit me that she was sleeping in a bed! At that point, the crib life was all we both knew so it was hard for the both of us. My little baby was growing up!

So now, with Kate apart of our family now, my attention is split between the two girls. I have found that I have limited patience with Emma. I don't know why. Maybe she just knows the buttons to push,, or that perfect octave that just gets to me...or maybe its the independence that she's gained to try to change her own poopy diapers ALWAYS...or it could be the difficulty she is giving me in potty training? I will never know. But what I do know is that I love her. Although we are going through different experiences now with a 2 1/2 year old, I just still melt when she looks at me and smiles, with those big eyes and dimples. She isn't sweet to me ALL the time, which is hard to be sweet back :) but I have to remember that she's going through a rough stage in her emotional development. I need to help her through it. I want her to realize that I am here to help and guide her through these scary times.

I think the reason I've been putting real thought into all this is because of 2 weekends ago. We were at our apartment pool. Emma was playing in the water on the steps, then she'd come out and play with some dead bugs etc etc. Joe, Kate and I were sitting on the side, watching her and talking. Some boys were there swimming and playing as well. At one point, they were sitting on the ledge by the step, kicking the water. Emma came to join in. Of course we were watching her but the one time we both were looking at Kate, Emma fell into the pool. I realized that I couldn't hear the kicking and looked over. I could see her struggling to swim under the water. I freaked out, panicked and ran over, jumped in and brought her out. Thinking back, it seemed that the whole series of events was so long but in reality, was only like 5 seconds. Luckily, she was fine, no inhaling of water. Seconds later, after she coughed out some water, she wanted to play again. Me, on the other hand, was bawling, asking her if she was alright. Of course it was worse on me. I mean, I almost died from drowning when I was four and the experience is still pretty clear in my head. I didn't htink I would get this tramatized but I did. It freaked me out! Even that night, I would just start crying, just thinking of what could have happened, or just how dissappointed I was that I wasn't watching her the whole time or that she didn't have a life jacket on. It was just scary. So since then, I have looked at Emma differently. It has helped me to realize that she's my little girl here on earth and it is my priviledge to take care of her.
Well anyways, I just wanted to dedicate this post to Emma since I love her and want her to always be happy and silly. I say silly because she's starting to act like animals...like a cat or snake. It's just so funny...anyways, Love you Emma Bethers!
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