Journal Entry #1

Dear Diary-
It's been an emotional week. The last month of all my pregnancies are always emotional. It's like morning sickness for my feelings. It is definitely hitting me that I have 2-3 weeks left before another baby is thrown into this family. I'm not going to lie, I am not looking forward to the lack of sleep, the crotch pain & sharing my body with some hungry, pooping baby. I think the magic of having a baby dies after the first one becuase you know what to expect. ANd usually it is the negative memories and experiences that stick out in your mind. So you just wait for those challenges to come head on. As much as you try to prepare, there's nothing that you can fully do. So you become depressed.

And that's just one day...

The next day, you become motivated to clean your whole house, put away the laundry, actually plan dinner and even **gasp** shower! The day goes well and you are feeling happy, excited and impatient to see the little guy! Husband comes home happy and plays with the kids so you can prepare dinner. THe kids EAT their food and then Dad takes them to the park so you can clean up early so you can have the rest of the night to relax. You have narrowed down the names to four and hoping that you get a vision for the perfect name ;) Life is just great!

Next day...

From over-acheiving yesterday, you are exhausted! You throw some dry cereal in some bowls and fed the kids breakfast as you lazily check your email. You rest your head on the couch for just a minute...

45 minutes later, you wake up to your whole house covered in toys, clothes and food. The kids are still watching TV as you get up to go to the bathroom. You finally make it to your room to get dressed as well. You avoid looking around the house because you know it will just frustrate you on how hard you cleaned yesterday and it is now demolished. You finally make it to nap time.

One down, one to distract.

Put on a movie so you can take a power nap.

2nd kid wakes up and scrounge for food for everyone. The phone rings. Bishopric is asking you if you are able to come to the church tonight, both you and your husband. Most likely for a calling. YOu begin to wonder if you will even get a calling under your condition.

Fast-forward to the evening.

Meet with one of the bishopric and tells you that you have been called to Nursery. You say yes because being born of Goodly Parents, you are taught to never say no to a church calling. It is only minutes in the car that you start getting teary-eyed, trying to figure out why they would think of calling a 8+ month pregnant mom of 2 to nursery. You aren't a fast thinker so you don't think of these things on a whim when they really matter. As you struggle to get the kids to bed, the water works become full force, completely bawling in front of everyone, (and your kids stroking your head, saying, it's okay mommy. Be happy mommy) trying to figure out what you will do with a newborn baby and nursery! There is no way you will bring the baby IN nursery with you. And if you husband receives a calling that detanes him the last 2 hours of church, then there is no way you can have that calling. Only now do you realized that maybe you should have said no and are aware that you probably won't go to hell for it.

Your mind is too upset to do anything productive for the house so you get a big bowl of your favorite ice cream and watch some funny shows. You try not to think about the evenings' events for fear of crying again. You then write down all your concerns for the calling and plan to call the Bishopric tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes and it is like everyday. But this one, you are waiting for the perfect time to call and get things figured out with the calling. You finally call and tell him your concerns. He understands and is aware of my situation and what comes with it. So after talking with him, you realize it won't be a big deal, that Joe will watch the baby so you can do your calling and thanks to gazillion hormones going through your body, you had a nervous breakdown when you didn't have to.

On top of that, you are preparing for a fair where you rented a table to sell you TOmboy Tools and some wood crafts that you have been making for the past few weeks. You will post pictures later.

TOday was a big day for you because you went to the doctors and he finally had you take off your bottoms to inspect your progression. You were completely expecting no progress as you are barely 37 weeks. Yet to your utter surprise, you are already dialated to a 2 and starting to soften! Is there hope for this child to come early?! There might...but from past pregnancies, you know that you don't go into labor alone...only through inductions. So you mentally plan that you will at least have this baby 1 week early, since that is the earliest the doctor will induce you.

So today's forecast?

Really good so far since you received some awesome news. But it's only 1:30 pm...there's a lot of day left...we'll see what the rest of the rollercoaster does for today...
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