Journal Entry #2

(I vent and express my REAL thoughts and feelings, so you have been warned...or do you need to be? It is my blog.)
Dear Diary-
So I thought I was kotcher with my until I went yesterday...

It was kinda rough. It was no one's fault or the kids even. They were great and the leaders did the best they could with what they had. See, we just went through a huge ward boundary change so they've been scrambling to put members to callings for the past 2 weeks. But there are still spots to be filled. They didn't have all the nursery helpers (which is what I am) filled so there were last minute subs. The kids were a bit nervous but that's understandable. ANd I was put into the same class as Kate....

***no good can come from being in the same class as your own kid! ***

THere was pretty much no seperation between the two of us the whole time, which made it hard to help the other kids. And I want to be able to do what I can for everyone since there are only 2 helpers for 8 kids. So I requested to be put in charge of another class next time since there are 3 classes total.
The nursery leader did a great job considering the circumstances too. It should be interesting. But the rough part was just trying to move and moderate the kids with sharing and stuff. I couldn't "run" to the rescue in my condition so it was kinda rough trying to bend over to solve problems and stuff. I was definitely exhausted after church. I got a question for those in nursery, what are your routines like? I"ve seen many different ways so i'm curious what you do. The nursery leader wants to do a brain storm and find a good routine so any ideas would help!

Oh and did I mention that Joe didn't feel well either so I hit up church solo with the 2 kids? lol there were many miracles had yesterday. I am very grateful to other nice members who entertained my girls during sacrement. Emma is SUCH a social butterfly that whoever is sitting behind us will hear her little voice the whole meeting. Not to mention receiving books to read to her and continuously being shown her crayons and's quite comical.

During the whole 3 hours, I was a bit stressed and frazzled but looking back, realizing I made it, it went well. Again, I think the hormones of pregnancy just make things worse than they are. I talked to my nursery leader about my "condition", thinking that she had talked with the Bishopric about me and what would happen this coming year. But to my disappointment, she had no idea what I was talking about...which causes further stress!
I had to tell her what they told me and what to expect. I told her that I don't know what she wanted to do about it all because she will have to find subs for when i'm gone recovering plus once I get back, to leave to feed the baby. That's going to take a tole on who ever I work with if I"m gone 1/2 the time. So I just let her know that. She said she'd talk to the primary president about it. So we'll see what happens. I'm fine either way really. I don't want to be a burden on the nursery leader if i'm gone all the time.

Some of you might be thinking, well then just do a bottle and have Joe feed the baby...well i've never really hassled with bottles. I don't hassle with pumping either. I guess I just don't get it and dont' want to deal with it and with a kid who doesn't like bottles or won't drink from it or me. I guess I like to keep things simple. But who knows, maybe I don't end up breastfeeding this time around for some reason. If that's the case, then it won't be an issue :) We'll just see.

So I completely crashed when I got home, took a good nap, shed a few tears to relieve my stress...(another thing you ought to feel better, I cry...much more now that i'm pregnant but when i'm not, I ususally have a day where I ya it's odd but true) But the second half of the day was nice, relaxing and just want I needed. Joe was a great help and let me just vent and let me be lazy.

Anyways, I do have pictures but they are on Joe's computer that is acting up. So in the meantime, i'm expressing my thoughts and feelings as baby #3 approaches. I appreciate all your comments from the last post.

Let me just clarify to those of you who might have took what I wrote last time that I don't want this baby...
HELLO?! of course I want this baby! You would not question this if you had seen me at the following times throughout this pregancy:

-conception (bow chica bow wow)
-Finding out that I was pregnant.
-Finding out that we were having a BOY...honestly, probably goes down in the book for one of my highest, happinest moments.

There are many other times throughout that I have been so excited to have this baby boy come out and finally be here.

Folks, it's not the baby that I dispise. It's the pregnancy! It's got me so screwed up emotionally, physcialliy and mentally. It totally sucks. But it IS all worth it in the end when I finally see my baby in my arms. Please don't question that I don't want to have this baby and have him be apart of my family. I am just being REALISTIC. Of course it's going to suck the first month or two when I'm recovering. Let me remind you that my 1st pregnancy, I had a 4th degree laceration...and 2nd pregnancy? 2nd degree...both are unfavorable in my eyes so of course i'm not going to be excited about the afterbirth. I got spinal headaches with Kate's pregnancy so that definitely wasn't a box of kittens either. So you can understand that they can put a damper on all this.

And each pregnancy is different and who knows what this one will bring. But I do try to keep an open mind through it all and can't wait to see #3 (yes we have names but not sure if I want to post them know how that goes...)

Anyways, I did the same thing when I was pregnant with Kate...all this thought-provoking stuff and long posts with no is just the phase i'm in. And it'll pass, I know that. I just like to vent. It feels good. And since this is my blog, I can do whatever I want, right? Good, glad we understand one another :)
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