I have been doing an experiment.
Trying to not be on the computer.
I actually got laundry done, cleaned & vacuumed my home. And that was all this morning...
Where am I at now?
Back to where I was before this morning, messy house, a new pile of dirty clothes, dirty dishes.
What is the point sometimes...?
At least I can say i'm trying right?
And can I say that I really loathe blogging. I'm becoming more and more bitter. I"m jealous of my sister Katie because I love how she writes her blog. It's like a window to her inner part of her soul, like a journal and that to me, is so much more interesting. And deep down, that's how I want to write on my blog. Yet i've become uncomfortable writing how I feel about things or to just vent about life here in SA. I just can't do that with the audience that my blog has. No one is perfect, especially me. I don't want other imperfect eyes reading and judging me and my life and thoughts and feelings.
Another thing I detest about blogging is reading other people's blogs. It's not reality. Most of them do not portray reality, just the fun times or when life is great. No one wants to show to the world that life may be...hard! So I read these perfect lives and it makes me feel more insecure and depressed than I already am! Is everyone else's lives really that much better than mine? Am I just the scum of the earth these days?
I"m half tempted to go totally private (again) and only invite family and few friends that I feel comfortable expressing my feelings...
a little extreme? Maybe...
Time of the month? Possibly...
Sadly, sometimes I just want to move to where we'll be going next year...which is another "so now what" issue we are having...and that's a whole other post. This year has been good but it's been hard. Friends I thought I had aren't friends, or they have their own so i'm left alone still. It's just been a lonely-hard kind of hard...and some days, I have my pity parties...seems like i'm having one today. But it's jsut been building up. This isn't something that just came all of the sudden. It's been going on for a while. *sigh* I apologize to those of you who think, "man, seriously, suck it up!" lol well don't worry, have been for a couple of years now!
Geez, see what I mean about blogs! They are just no good.